Empowerment Starts With No

By:Mary Foley
Of all the words in the English language, you might be surprised that the first, most empowering word for me as a woman is two simple letters: No! Learning to say no was a huge step in overcoming my internal good girl and claiming my boundaries as an adult woman. One lesson women typically have a difficult time with is establishing boundaries. As little girls, most of us were never taught how to say, No, This is what I want. Think, for example, how Meg Ryan's character in the movie When Harry Met Sally was treated when she asked for her salad or her pie a la mode just so. If people love you, that sort of behavior is endearing or cute, so long as it doesn't embarrass anyone or cause them pain or inconvenience. Everyone else finds it really annoying. Heaven forbid if we take up too much room or interrupt someone. We're taught to get out of the way, serve everyone before ourselves, and to be mindful of other people's feelings. Furthermore, we're taught to treat others the way we want to be treated and they'll notice and return the favor. No muss. No fuss. No risk. Right? In a perfect world, that may be true. But who lives in a perfect world? Setting boundaries has been one of my major life lessons. Because I grew up in a happy, healthy family where we treated each other respectfully and kindly, I entered my adult life unskilled at standing my ground in moments of conflict. I never had my boundaries or principles violated until I was in my mid-20s and married. And it wasn't until I started applying at work what I was learning in marital therapy that I truly understood how establishing boundaries and respect can be a problem for most women, no matter their backgrounds.
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